5 Simple Marriage Habits
20. May, 2010 
9 Comments
My wife and I recently celebrate 16 incredible years of marriage. It is hard to believe I just typed that…We started with several pre-marital counseling sessions under our belts. This turned out to be a good thing because it got Karen straightened out! Really, our counselor dug deeply into my past to expose my baggage. He helped me see who I had become as a result of the influences I grew up under as a child. I learned about my controlling tendencies that had the potential to be demeaning. I learned that this bent would cause me to treat Karen disrespectfully. This wasn’t exactly what I wanted to hear. I was expecting something a little less direct and confrontational, something like, “You grew up in a tough situation Gerry but you’re going to do just fine.” That would have been the last thing I really needed to hear. Now, 16 years later, I am deeply grateful for the direct manner in which the counselor challenged me to own up to my weaknesses.
A little more than a year before the counseling started, Karen and I had enjoyed celebrating Valentine’s Day together. Our evening ended as we sat talking on the yellow stripped sofa in her parent’s house with the lights dimmed. We were finally alone, so I launched the big question, “Will you marry me?”
Rather than the hopeful (and simple), “Yes,” I listened as Karen shared several minutes worth of concerns. Before she said, “Yes,” she needed me to explain some things she had seen in our relationship up to that point. We talked late into the evening, and the longer we talked the more I knew the answer, “No.”
It’s obvious that something big happened between the “No” I heard that evening and the “Yes” that led to where we are today. That’s a story for another day, but what is important for now is that Karen did eventually say, “Yes,” and I am thankful she did. Over the years, we have developed a few small habits that have helped keep our marriage on track. These little habits communicate affection in a big way and help eliminate doubts and fear. They’ve helped us, and they might help you too.
Pray Together
Nearly every evening before we go to sleep, Karen and I pray together. We end the day centering our thoughts on God. Praying together reminds both of us that we need His presence in our marriage and that we are dependent on Him. We pray for our children, friends, ministries, neighbors and those who are suffering.
Hold Hands
Whether we are walking, sitting together on a porch swing, or riding in a car, Karen and I hold hands. On really hot days, we may just wrap one pinky around another, but we still hold hands.
Read a Book Together
Karen and I try to read three to four books together each year. Sometimes it is an audio book and other times we read out loud to each other. Karen prefers to read since I tend to read really fast which makes it hard to follow along. We have read fiction, biographies and books that help us become better parents. Currently we are reading Love & Respect. Having something to read together gets us talking about topics we wouldn’t normally gravitate toward on our own. As we evaluate the things we are learning and share ideas with one another, we grow closer.
Make the Goodbye’s and Hello’s Special
Every morning when I leave for work, Karen comes to the door and sends me off with a hug and a kiss. When I come home in the evening, Karen makes a point to stop whatever she is doing to welcome me home. If she is tied up on a phone call or helping one of our children when I come home, I make a point of to find her and give her a hug.
These moments of affection are important for several reasons:
- It sets the tone for the rest of the evening with our family.
- It reassures our children that everything is well between mom and dad.
- It gives us a moment to reconnect after going in different directions all day.
- It communicates how important each of us is to one another…stopping whatever we are doing to focus on each other for a few moments.
Plan Regular Date Nights
We work to set aside at least two date nights per month. It is important to us to relax together and enjoy a focused time of deeper conversation without frequent interruptions. These evenings together allow us to plan, dream, and talk through family needs or spiritual truths we are learning. Connecting one-on-one has been an important part of keeping our marriage healthy and enjoying deeper trust.
It is never to late to start little habits that will deepen affection within a marriage. It is the simple things that make a huge difference over time. I am wondering what habits you have going in your marriage? I am looking for the next little habit that will continue strengthening our marriage. What marriage habits have you found helpful?
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Thanks Gerry! I really enjoyed this.
Happy anniversary
I enjoy reading your blog. This is a great post.
I hope you have a lovely anniversary! Galin and I will celebrate our 17th next month!
Hey Tim,
Thanks for reading! I am glad you enjoyed it and it was a happy anniversary!
Hi Charla,
Thanks for reading! Karen and I did have a “lovely” time over lunch together today. We are planning a bigger celebration for next week since this weekend is full with end of school events.
I can imagine you and Galin feel similar to Karen and I when you think of how time has gone by. A few more blinks and we will be looking at 20 years!
Thanks again for reading and please tell Galin I hope he is doing well!
I love all you posts on Marriages. They are very useful and very practical. I have been reading and also rereading them…thanks for sharing..
That is great to know. Thanks Kingsly!
I Follow u on Twitter. I want to thank u for all your tweets. Today is my first time on your blog. I’m from Puerto Rico…. sorry for the mistakes in the writing.
Your posts are just GREAT, is such a big blessing in my life. Gave me courage, motivation, love of what I do. When I read ur posts u remember my Pastor of the church that I serve. U have a lot of wisdom.
God Bless U and ur family.
A lots of thanks.
Thank you for the words of encouragement. I am glad you have been blessed and I pray 2012 brings God’s blessing on you, your family and your church.