Your Wife’s Opinion is Important
03. Mar, 2011 
6 Comments
The date had been set and we were on our way to saying the words, “I do.” We were beyond the big moment when I heard Karen say “Yes!” I asked her to marry me on a warm evening in July while sitting on our favorite park bench. She melted into my arms that night (I’m sure the July heat had nothing to do with it).
There was no doubt we loved each other. But that did not eliminate the life-long baggage that each of us had accumulated. We were both carrying a suitcase full of hurts and insecurities. We knew we needed help to empty our suitcases. Truth be told, I was carrying so much baggage it could have been used like a sledge hammer. And it probably would have if Steve had not stepped into our story. We turned to Steve Ward for marriage counseling.
Those were some of the most difficult conversations I’ve ever had. Over several weeks, he helped unpack my greatest weaknesses. Steve was kind but firm in his approach. He did not hold back or allow me to make light of the bad relational habits I carried in my suitcase.
Steve saw right through me. He shared that he believed I would try to control and manipulate Karen after we married. I felt like screaming back “No way!” He went on, “If you are not careful Gerry, you will treat your wife like a beautiful vase that sits on a shelf until you are ready to use her. When you are done with her you will put her back in her place until the next time.” Ouch! That hurt. Deep inside I knew he was right. He was looking into the heart of a person who wanted to be in control.
Looking back, I am grateful that Steve challenged me to deal with some of my greatest weakness before getting married. He helped me realize that Karen needed to be who God desired her to be not who I wanted her to be. Her opinions are valuable. More importantly I learned that God could speak to me through Karen. God created her to speak into my life and our marriage.
I am certain of this; God did not create her and bring us together so I could tell her what to do. If our life together is centered on what satisfies me, or if I consider my view more important, a lonely existence emerges. Our relationship is far more meaningful when Karen’s ideas, opinions, and input are valued. Steve helped me see that making life decisions with Karen will strengthen our marriage and lead to deeper love and greater commitment between us.
7 Ways to value your wife:
- Seek her input on how to nurture and show tenderness to your children
- Ask her advice on how to prioritize finances
- Include her in planning a family vacation
- Watch for what is important to her and make it happen
- Be careful to not interrupt her when she’s sharing an idea
- Compliment her when she shares an idea and follow through on using it
- Know your wife’s strengths and encourage her to use them
What have you been doing to value your wife? I would love to add to the list above through your comments below.
——————————–
Other Helpful Links:
Book Notes Love and Respect | Michael Hyatt
The Healthy Imbalance in Marriage | Ron Edmondson
No related posts.
Good stuff Gerry. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for the note Bruce.
Occasionally I’ll ask her “What can I do to be a better husband.” Then listen (while restraining the temptation to react, or explain why I do what I do). Then, make a effort to do what she suggests. Its hard, but in the long run it grows us closer, lets her know I’m listening, and that I value our relationship, and what she says.
Thanks for the post Gerry!
Great practical way to value your wife’s opinion. Love the willingness to allow your wife to be transparent. Solid advice! Thanks for sharing.
Gerry,
I’m a little confused on number 1:
“Seek her input on how to nurture and show tenderness to your children”. Gerry
Is that the same thing as seek her input on how to raise your children, since you are both the parent?
Great question! I agree that it is good to seek a wife’s input on raising children and certainly raising children includes nurturing. The idea I was working to communicate was specifically related to tenderness. A nurturing environment within the home is encouraging and accepting. Children benefit from experiencing a tender father. Too often a father’s encouragement comes in the form of correction for misbehaving. Father’s in particular can be guilty of abrupt and severe correction when we hear or see our children do something inappropriate. It is in those times we need to lean into the input of our wives to measure our response with tenderness. The correction may be warranted, but if we are too severe and if our children never see a tenderness in our response, we will begin to feel distance in our relationship.
In my observation, wives often have a tenderness to their nurturing that husbands can learn from. This is not always the case so it is also good for a wife to seek input from her husband if he is naturally the more tender and nurturing parent. What is most important is that both the husband and wife value the input and ideas of the other as they work together to raise their children.